Proud and Legal

Just a photo for now (more later)...

Picking up the kitty: not as easy as it looks

Blogging for LGBT Families Day

Today is Blogging for LGBT Families Day so this member of an LGBT family is going to talk about marriage. But first, a quote:

Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove…Have you the wing?

I have no idea why that routine is so funny, but it is. Go figure. At the same time, I’m have no idea why people fall in love, but they do. And it’s wonderful. Well, it can be awful, actually, but if it works out it’s wonderful.

I’ve been in love a number of times in my life, and it’s been a mixed bag. Probably like most people, love has made me happy, sad, ecstatic, miserable, euphoric, depressed, angry, crazy, content, and just about every other adjective in the dictionary. But, until I met Amy, I never really understood why people got married. It always seemed to me that people mostly got married because they thought they were supposed to, or to have someone to do half the child-raising chores. My relationships are what they are, I figured – why do I need the church, or worse, the state, telling me how to define them? I still feel that way, to some degree. Neither the church nor the state nor any one else except Amy and I (well, now maybe our daughter, too) can define our relationship.

But falling in love with Amy made me, for the first time in my life, understand how you can love somebody so much that you need to shout it from the rooftops, spend thousands of dollars on a party, have friends fly all the way there from faraway places, proclaim publicly and loudly and openly and joyously that you will spend forever and ever and even longer with this incredibly wonderful person, and to tell the world how incredibly amazingly lucky you are to have found your true love and soul mate.

So, that’s what we did, three years ago, and it was wonderful. Except that it wasn’t legal. Well, we figured, fuck the government and their stupid-ass laws. That doesn’t make us any less married. It makes us less protected, less accepted, less financially secure, but it doesn’t change our relationship with each other.

But now, or soon anyway, we can get married here in California. And even though we’re already married, and even though it’s a little annoying to be “granted” something that is your right, we will get married again. Because I still want to shout it from the rooftops and proclaim publicly and loudly and openly and joyously that I will spend forever and ever and longer with this incredibly wonderful person, and I’m still incredibly amazingly lucky to have found her. I’ll forgo making my friends fly here and spending thousands on a party, though.

Who in their right mind could possibly deny us this?

Just a picture

We Are Family!

The California Supreme Court, as you all know by now, has spoken:

The designation of marriage to a union "between a man and a woman” is unconstitutional and must be stricken from the statute, and that the remaining statutory language must be understood as making the designation of marriage available both to opposite-sex and same-sex couples.

Woo-hoo! So, sometime next month, Amy and I will be getting married. Again. And that marriage may or may not be permanent, since there will be a ballot initiative in November to amendment the California constitution -- the only thing that supersedes a Supreme Court decision -- which would define marriage as between "one man and one woman," if it wins.

It goes without say that we're opposed to the ballot initiative, and that in fact we will be spending a lot of time between now and then pounding the pavement trying to get people to NOT vote for it. I'm hoping that anyone reading this who lives in California will be doing the same, if you can, and I'm also hoping that all of you donate as much as you can to organizations like Equality California and the Unitarian Universalist Legislative Ministry who are fighting this amendment.

I spent a few hours yesterday reading the comments on various websites about the Supreme Court decision, and the people who are opposed to same-sex marriage seem to have three main arguments:

1. The Religious Argument: the Bible says it's wrong.
2. The Democracy Argument: the voters already voted against this (in 2000).
3. The Slippery Slope Argument: next they'll be saying you can marry your sister, or your dog.

Since you will undoubtedly encounter one or more of these arguments, should you decide to discuss this issue with a Californian, I thought I'd take some time to expound, in the hopes of providing my vast readership (all 6 of you!) with some ammunition.

1. The Religious Argument

It's hard to argue with someone's religion. However, that's not really necessary in this case. The only argument to have with someone who believes that the Bible says that homosexuality is wrong or that marriage between men and women is sacred (or whatever) is that we all have the right to our own beliefs.

I don't really care if your church refuses to marry same-sex couples. My church celebrates same-sex marriages, and my faith is just as good as yours. This country was founded on the principle of Freedom of Religion, and so its laws should not promote one particular religious belief over another.

Besides which, there is a tremendous amount of disagreement among religious scholars about how to interpret the various faiths' teachings on this issue. There is also a tremendous amount of support for same-sex marriage among faith-based organizations, institutions and clergy. One of the Friend of the Court briefs in the Supreme Court case came from faith-based groups who support same-sex marriage. It was signed by many hundreds of churches, synagogues, mosques, religious organizations and clergy members, representing many faiths -- Unitarian Universalist, Presbyterian, Methodist, Seventh Day Adventist, Catholic, Lutheran, Mormon, United Church of Christ, Metropolitan Community Church, Baptist, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist and Native American.

2. The Democracy Argument

In June 2000, California voters approved a ballot initiative (Proposition 22) which added language to the Family Code stating that marriage could be only between a man and a woman. It was that part of the Family Code which was overturned by the Supreme Court decision. Hence, while it's true that the Supreme Court decision rescinds the "will of the voters," there are a number of reasons why it just not accurate to claim that this is somehow undemocratic.

First, our Constitution (both the U.S. and the California ones) designates a system of checks and balances. The Legislature makes the law, and the courts determine if it is constitutional. In California, voters can also make the law through the ballot initiative process. Whether a law is created by the voters directly (by ballot initiative) or indirectly (by the Legislators the voters elect) it is still subject to judicial review. Laws are overturned by the courts all the time. That's the system. Have a revolution and write a new constitution if you don't like it.

Besides which, the voters will get to vote again this fall, this time to actually amend the Constitution itself, not just the Family Code. So, we'll see if the "will of the voters" is the same as it was 8 years ago.

Oh, and about that "will of the voters" thing. Fewer than 5 million people voted for Proposition 22 -- about 10% of the population. It was a low significance, June primary election with very low voter turnout. It was still perfectly legal -- I'm not disputing that -- but whether it is a good indicator of the will of the voters remains to be seen.

3. The Slippery Slope Argument

Well, last time I checked my dog didn't want to marry me, nor does my cat, my guinea pig, my sheep or my cow. You know why? BECAUSE THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT MARRIAGE IS! Therefore, they can't consent to it! CONSENT, you people, CONSENT. I'm sorry to yell, but really, that is such a stupid argument. We're talking about marriage between TWO CONSENTING ADULTS here. Not children, not animals.

As for allowing you to marry your sister, or marry more than one person, when someone comes along and advocates for that, we should argue that on its merits. I just don't see why one whole class of people should be denied their civil rights just so as not to set a possible legal precedent for another class of people who may or may not in the future ask for the same right.

Besides which, all you people who say that the Bible prohibits homosexuality, doesn't the Bible ALLOW polygamy? How come you're not petitioning the court to legalize it?

There are other arguments people put forth against same-sex marriage, but I'll let you all figure out how to respond to them, since I'm starting to froth at the mouth. Just remember, it will take ALL OF US to defeat this ballot initiative.

My First Meme

My moms tell me that these meme is going around the blogosphere. I've never done a meme, so I thought I'd try it, seeing as how I'm quite a well-read baby:

Fill in each letter of the alphabet with a title of a book that you've read that begins with that letter (i.e. American Psycho for the letter A).
*Articles (a, an, the) don't count in alphabetizing, so skip to the first letter of the next word (i.e. A Thousand Splendid Suns would count for the letter T, The Great Gatsby would count for the letter G, and so on).
*Titles that start with or are entirely comprised of numbers, will be alphabetized by how they would be spelled when written out in English (i.e. 1984 would count for the letter N for Nineteen Eighty-Four).
*The letter X space will be special. The title will only have to include the letter X to count (i.e. Don Quixote).

A to Z (a popular title, but the one I've read is the Sandra Boynton epic)
Bear on a Bike
Colors
Diary of a Wombat
Everywhere Babies
the First Dog
Goodnight Moon
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
I Love You This Much
(the tale of) Johnny Town-Mouse
Knuffle Bunny
Little Duckies & Godsukie (a as-yet-unpublished masterpiece)
Madeleine and the Bad Hat
Nursery Songs
Owl Babies
Panda Bear, Panda Bear, What Do You See?
Quiet Time with Cassatt
Roo's Big Adventure
the Sissy Duckling
Touch and Feel Puppy
Up Pop the Monsters 1-2-3
the Velveteen Rabbit
What Makes a Rainbow?
siX Sleepy Sheep
Yum Yum Dim Sum
Zonk the Dreaming Tortoise

Oneness

I am One. I walk everywhere now. This means I have two hands free to carry things. This means that there are measuring cups in the bedroom, blocks in Mom's shoes, mail in the bathtub, rubber ducks in the recycling bin, and little bits of toilet paper everywhere.


And, after I am done chewing on the alarm clock, I might throw it in the toilet.

The Reluctant Reindeer

The little Munchkin has made it very clear that she does not want to pose with the antlers. We've been trying all day, and she will undoubtedly show the resulting series of photographs to her shrink in 15 or 20 years, as evidence of What She Had To Put Up With. Anyway, this is the best I could do.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

News Flash!

Crunchin' Crackers, the kind that are shaped like little Elmo heads and little Big Bird heads, are in. Cheerios are out. Cereal with orange squishy stuff is out.

Just though you should know.

The Latest News

If this baby were the editor of a newspaper (like, say, the Baby Bugle or the Infant Intelligencer, or maybe even the Diaper Daily) or a magazine (the Wee Weekly?) the articles would be along the lines of:

Cheerios: Are they for dropping, smashing, grinding into the rug, or just sucking on until they’re sticky?

Identifying the best playthings: How to spot dangerous items like electric cords and small bits of plastic in a room full of toys.

Arching your back, screaming, and grabbing Mom’s hair: How to make a diaper change as difficult as possible.

Guest Columnist: It’s All About the Cute, by The Cat.

ETA: Amy says I should add some news articles, since the above are all more like features. How about:

Breaking News: The Cat is in the Dining Room!
Fluffy Puppy Replaces Bear as Preferred Stuffie
No! I'm Not Hungry!
Update: The Cat is in the Living Room!
No! I'm Still Not Hungry!
The Swing is No Longer Interesting
No! I Don't Want Any Food!
Update: The Cat is in the Bedroom!
Time to Go? NOW I'm Hungry!

All alone

Amy and the baby are away for a few days, and I miss them. The house feels so sad and lonely and quiet. So quiet. Hmmm. So quiet that I have not been woken up during the night, for two nights in a row. Two nice, long nights of nothing but sleep.

Life is full of mixed blessings.

What I would trade for 8 consecutive hours of uninterrupted sleep..

My Palm Pilot (it's broken, but I'm sure you could get it fixed)
My MP3 player
The car
All my books, CDs, DVDs and videotapes
My Kitchenaid
All my Star Wars collectibles
My entire postcard collection
My computer
My cat
My dog (Ok, she died last year, but if she were still alive. Sorry, Astro)
My life savings
Sex with Johnny Depp
A Honus Wagner baseball card
A Magic Wand made of maple with a unicorn hair core
Van Gogh's Starry Night

And for10 hours of pure, uninterrupted sleep, I would also perform depraved sexual acts, do your laundry, and make you a cheese sandwich before I crawled under the sheets.

Rice Cereal

The little mookster had her first bowl -- 2 bowls, actually -- of real food last night. Rice Cereal, to be exact, made with Mama's milk. At first, she was suspicious:
















Then she thought about it a bit...















And decided it was pretty good. In fact, she said, "Give me that spoon!"















"This is really yummy. Ahhhh...smoosh in mouth."















"What do you mean 'Two bowls is enough' ?"

Just some baby news

The Baby has learned to roll over onto her tummy. She is really proud of this ability and does it constantly. The problem with this is that the result is she is stuck there, arms and legs flailing. Amy says she looks like a turtle.

Sometimes she manages to roll back over onto her back, but usually she can't remember how and cries until someone comes and turns her back over. She clearly feels betrayed -- after weeks of trying, she's finally managed to roll over, only to wind up somewhere she doesn't want to be.

I keep telling her that life is like that -- no matter how far you go, you never really get to your destination -- but she is unimpressed by my philosophy. The first of many times, I'm sure, that she will be unimpressed by my philosophy.

She's also gaining a lot more facility with her hands. She can now grab, throw, push, and pull whenever she wants. Mostly, of course, she uses her hands for grabbing things and shoving them in her mouth. As a result, everything near her is damp, but that's kind of cute, in a disgusting sort of a way.

OK, enough blathering. Here's a photo:

just a little cuteness

Most of you reading this have seen this photo already, but you get to see it again because it is so cute! Plus, I'm doing a terrible job at keeping up this blog, so I have to find something to post. It's better than listening to me whine about my job, believe me.

Keep away from me, paparazzi!

Those Golden Moments

As everyone who has raised a child probably already knows, it is full of wonderful moments that fill you with happiness -- the first smile, the way she turns to look at you when she hears your voice, the first time she notices the mobile, the stuffie, the cat.

There are other wonderful moments, too, that are more about relief than charm. Like right now, at 9:00 a.m., when the baby is just waking up after going to sleep around 11 last night. You have no idea how nice it to have 10 hours of not having to look after her needs. Or maybe you do.

I mean, I love this kid with all my heart, I really do. But it's exhausting. I have a friend who says that he remembers wondering, when he was a kid, why his parents were so tired all the time, but now that he has 2 kids, he totally gets it. Me too.

Blogging for LGBT families Day

It’s Blogging for LGBT families Day! Yay! To celebrate, I’m going to write about what it’s like to have a change in status – from Ordinary Adult Being to Parent.

Before the arrival of The Baby, my expectations of what this change would be like were vague, and probably a little negative. I would transform from Ordinary Adult Being to an existence that consists largely of drudgery – sleepless nights, diaper changing, constant feeding, always at the beck and call of a demanding little monster.

Now that The Baby is not just theoretical, my experience of parenthood is completely different. While I certainly have experienced sleepless nights, diaper changing, constant feeding, and always being at the beck and call of a demanding little monster, the other things far outweigh all of that stuff. Now, this is possibly because I am the mother of The Cutest Little Baby in the World, who at the age of three months sleeps through the night and pretty much just acts cute all day, but I was unprepared for the sheer beauty of this baby.

I feel like someone has given me a priceless work of art – one of Monet’s Water Lilies, or perhaps my very own symphony orchestra. From the moment she was born – a screaming little mass of indignation – I was overwhelmed by her beauty. It’s not just the adorableness of the ten little fingers and toes, or the perfection of the 20 little finger and toe nails, the sound of the tiny little voice, or even the softness of her precious baby skin.

What it is, I suppose, is the miracle of life and the pride of having made it ourselves. Us! We went to the sperm bank and got a big metal canister, month after month, and took it to the doctor’s office, and then one day there was a little peanut growing in Amy’s belly. Then it had a face and organs and a gender. Then I watched her emerge from Amy’s body. I still can’t believe that process actually works. But this miracle occurs, I’m told, about 300,000 times a day, and only my baby is so special, so gorgeous, so cute, and so wonderful. I guess that’s another part of the miracle.

So I believe that my change in status is definitely a move up in the world. I love being a parent. I love watching this little girl change and grow. I love all the attention – the people on the street who come up and coo, the co-workers who ask to see her picture, the boxes that still arrive daily at the door. She deserves all this attention, as she deserves everything we can give her and teach her. I love this little girl so much it’s hard to understand.

OK, so back to Blogging for LGBT families day. What does this post have to do with LGBT families? It sounds as if it could have been written by any parent*, and I guess that’s the point.

*well, except for the part about the big metal canister

A Miracle Happened Here

Some things are unexplainable by science. They shouldn't happen, but they do. They are unheard of, yet they occur. Everything in your experience tells you it never happens, and then it does.

Such a thing happened to us last week. The baby's mobile, the one mounted in her crib, the one that she loves to watch spin around and around, the one that keeps her happy and calm, broke. Probably in revenge, since we had subjected it to an operation the week before and snipped the wires which connect its tinny little music box to its loud, annoying speakers.

So, we did a little research and found a mobile that would spin around without playing an annoying tune. It was on sale at amazon.com, so I ordered it about 11 a.m. one morning, chosing the "free shipping" option to save a little $.

Now, I've ordered many a thing from amazon.com with the free shipping option. Free shipping is, generally, slow shipping. Sometimes painfully slow shipping. Sometimes it takes weeks. Of course you can choose fast shipping, but fast shipping is also extremely expensive shipping so I decided to go with the slow.

However, at some point in this process I said to myself, possibly even out loud, "Oh God I hope this doesn't take forever." I had visions of a crying, fussing, miserable baby, lying awake in her crib all night, wondering why her mobile was not turning and, more importantly, keeping us awake.

And, miracle of miracle, Oh God heard my prayer, or whatever it was, and the mobile arrived at our doorstep the very next day. I kid you not.

And now we have a happy, sleeping baby:

Attachment

Amy and I are, more or less, followers of the "Attachment Parenting" theory (found here). At least we are to the extent that we think it's a good idea to respond to the baby's needs rather than let her just sit there and cry, which seems (surprisingly to me) to be a parenting technique that many people follow. Attachment Parenting also tells you to carry or wear your baby as much as possible, and to have her sleep in your bed at night. We sort of have her in our bed, although actually in a co-sleeper attached to the bed (which is acceptable to Dr. Sears, the Attachment Guru), but lately I've been trying to let her sleep in her crib more and more. And we do carry her a lot, and Amy wears her in a sling sometimes, but we don't actually hold her anywhere near as much as Sears recommends.

This is because although we seem to think Attachment Parenting makes sense, Mookie has mixed feelings about it. Sometimes she insists on being held, but often she makes it clear that that's not what she wants. I try to tell her that she should let us hold her so that she will learn to trust us, but she often says, "Trust, schmust, I wanna swing in my swing." Or, "I want to lie on my baby gym with my bobo in my mouth. Sucking and staring at the mirror are a really cool combination, and much more fun than snuggling with my parents. So PUT ME DOWN!"

And today she is feeling gassy, so she really wants to be in her swing when she's not eating. It's really good that the swing relieves her gassiness, but it's a little hard on us because swinging seems to, um, generate all sorts of internal action. Sometimes all over the swing, in fact. But, it's better than a gassy, screaming baby, I think.