Ask The Baby

Today's guest blogger is The Baby. The Baby has taught me a lot, these last few weeks, about babycare, so rather than repeat what she's taught me, I thought I'd let her do a little Q&A herself.

Q: Why are you crying?
A: I'm not sure. Check my diaper. Put me on my tummy so I can burp. Put me on your shoulder so I can burp. Feed me. Hold me in your arms and rock me. Repeat.

Q: Cloth or disposal?
A: Cloth, definitely. It feels softer against my skin, and it's much easier for my moms to figure out when I'm wet. And I hear it's cheaper, although I don't really understand what that means. Also, disposals are bad for the Earth, which so far seems like a nice place, and besides which they seem to make me cranky.

Q: Do you really use 80 diapers a week?
A: Not anymore! My parents just called the diaper service and increased our order to 100 diapers a week! Am I special or what?

Q: When is the best time to pee?
A: Just after they take off the nasty, clammy, wet diaper.

Q: Doesn't that make your clothes, the changing pad, the diaper cover, and anything else in the vicinity wet?
A: Not if you remember to put down the new diaper before you take away the old one, stupid.

Q: When is the best time to poop?
A: Right when you have a new, clean diaper, and a new, clean diaper cover, and new, clean clothes.

Q: What are your parents' names?
A: "Boobs" and "Cleans My Butt"

Q: Does anyone else live in your house?
A: There are these two creatures, about my size, who are soft and furry and always trying to nap in my bouncy seat. I'm not sure what their purpose is.

Q: What kind of music do you like?
A: The same sort of pre-1990 rock that my parents like, obviously. After all, I came into the world accompanied by Bruce Springsteen. Although I'm starting to like jazz and classical as well. And I really like it when Cleans My Butt plays the piano for me.

Q: When is the best time to be awake?
A: My preferred time for being wide-awake and making a lot of noise is from midnight to 2 a.m. Why do you ask?

Q: Can't you stay awake more during the day and sleep at night?
A: No.

Q: Are you the cutest little baby in the world?
A: But of course!